Freedom? Maybe

Tonight for the first time in over a year I was able to worship freely. It felt so good to be able to give everything up. Im excited for the path in front of me. Its looking like one that is more open than ever before, more free than ever before, and a lot more fulfilling.

A Little Vision

Alright, so I'm in Columbia right now and I was told by a friend that someone I had met once had a vision about me. I don't know what to think about it. I don't know how I feel about visions in general but I know that this one hit the spot.
She relayed this vision to me through someone else.
You are in a room by yourself with a crown on your head. God says "Just tell me everything" with a very inviting voice. "I know how lonely you feel, just tell me everything."

That was just very powerful to me, and I know what I need to do about it if this girl really indeed had thius vision, but I want to with all my heart, believe that is untrue. If its untrue, then that means I dont have to deal with anything

Addictions

So what exactly is an addiction? I dont know, I dont know what causes one. All I know is that I got plenty of them and it has to be dealt with. What I really want to know is what causes me to do what I do day in and day out, with almost always the same routine.

I wonder if this is what is causing my lack of faith. Youth group tonight got me thinking about all of this and just wondering how much my lack of faith/pray has to do with my these addictions.

My Computer, My Life

So this weekend was way tough for me. So many things happened that I didnt even have time to realize what was going on until a few hours ago.

This weekend started off with a monsoon of a Friday. It rained so hard that I got stuck at home. I couldnt even let Lucy go outside. It was my worst nightmare... me alone, all day, by myself, with a new computer game and a new PS3 game. Needless to say, I spent about 12 or 13 hours that day multi-tasking on games. I was either playing my PS3 and listen to music on my computer, or playing WOW on my computer and watching my season of Family Guy.

Needless to say, I was up until about 3 am rotting my brain with these games. So on Saturday morning I was taking my computer downstairs and I put it on the banister. It flew down the stairs and the screen cracked. So now I have no computer, which means I have no constant internet access and distractions, and no WOW. Since 8am Saturday, I have had so much free time that I never thought I would have. I mean, I love the computer and all, but now I can invest in things like reading or sleeping when Im not doing other things.

I guess the cool thing about this is that I used the computer as an outlet for life. Just like my PS3, whenever I need to retreat from the world or just veg out for days at a time, my computer would be there for me. It served as an outlet for everything. Now its gone. I think its God's way of telling me to turn to Him as an outlet... But I could be wrong

I am raising a dumb dog!

So I came home this afternoon and let Lucy out to go play in the yard for a few minutes like usual. Well, at one end of the yard she saw a squirrel. The two of the proceeded to run in circles and then went out for a chase. The squirrel ran under our iron gate and Lucy proceeded to follow. Next thing you know, dummy has banged her head on the gate and has started staring at it to figure out why she couldn't get under it.

I don't know what to do about her lack of intelligence. It might be a breed thing or it might just be lack of substance in her head. Who knows. All I know is that I get entertained while she almost kills herself multiple times a day. The only thing I'm worried about is her getting herself into some trouble. But that made my day for sure!

The Difference between my left hand and my left foot

So I realized in Capoeira class today that I cannot do any of the moves that demand more use of the right side of my body. My kicks and defenses are way better with my left than my right.

I just think its weird considering I cannot do anything with my left hand or foot in everyday life. I cannot write, kick a soccer ball or even throw a baseball with my left hand.

I think its an abnormal Capoeira gift... being able to move on the left. Not many people are comfortable like that. But why is it weird??? I can't, for the life of me, do a cartwheel to the right, or kick a meia lua to the right... but these come natural to my left foot.

Somebody explain this logic to me!

Faith and Trust

I learned something very important at church this morning.

My pastor was talking about life and sin. Basically, he was explaining that there are different types of sin - past, present and continuous. Anyways, with the continuous sin, he said that we need to confess and pray (James 5:16). Then he finished with something interesting. He said "even if you don't believe you can heal, some one else's faith will get you through it." I felt like he was talking to me. I don't think I can heal from many things, and I don't have faith that I can either. I have given up on changing and have started to doubt anything and everything religious at all.

To put it one way, I have no faith. I also have very little trust. I have no trust here in Charleston, and very little elsewhere. I want to have faith more than anything, but there is something in me that will not let me move on. I cannot move from this position.

The other thing that my pastor said that really struck me is that "the reality we live in values and validates sin". I had never really thought of it that way. There is so much that our society values, that I value, that I shouldn't even think twice about or obsess about. Things like TV and video games fall under that for me. I haven't moved all weekend from my couch other than to go to church this morning. I mean, I played a whole video game and started a second this weekend. I also watched a ton of random TV. I've done this when I could have been outside spending time in nature, reading my Bible or hanging out with people. But I have chosen to stay home and rot my brain doing this stuff. None of the games I've played or TV shows I've watched this weekend actually have anything valuable in them.

Students Frustrate Me

So I subbed at the best school in the county/state and one of the top 10 in the nation today. It was an AP Calculus class. Supposedly at this level, students are supposed to think for themselves and are supposed to be independent.

Well, in all three of the classes, I had to give tests. And there was at least one person in each of these three classes that told me that they could not take the test without the teacher there. When I asked why, they simply replied that I could not help them during the test but the teacher could.

That is so frustrating to me! Seniors in high school these days cannot think for themselves!!! It has happened on numerous occasions this year as I have subbed at a few local schools. Sometimes I get a kick out of it, but sometimes it makes me realize that our nation is going downhill because students get spoon fed the answers to everything that "they need to know"